So in my last entry I got off on a tangent about relationships and friendships and how I feel that I have been unable to really form some solid friendships. The general feeling remains, but I have been lucky in that I’ve met some awesome women who are passionate about many of the same issues that I am passionate about. I still am awkward and unsure as to how to proceed to cultivate this connection but today was a welcome hint that I’m on the right path.
I was thinking about her today, this new friend–or hopeful friend. We have done work together, but haven’t exactly transcended into many social outings. But I’d like to. Ha! Sounds like I have a girl crush. But seriously, this woman is someone I know is fun and witty and on much of the same wavelength as me and I would not be opposed to hanging out with her. As opposed to many other people I have met in my time. So many people don’t recharge my spirit–they drain it. But this woman definitely recharges me. Time flies when we’re together. She inspires me and fills me with courage to continue on in the fight for justice for women. I cannot express how refreshing it is for me to be able to sit and talk about things like gender roles, expectations, patriarchy, marriage, relationships, compassion, frustration and so much more with someone who can keep up. My passion in this area often leaves me feeling a bit left of center. But spending time with her and talking with her makes me feel like it’s the rest of the world that’s off when it comes to this — we’re just too radical for them to accept. And she makes me feel like that’s okay. I need that reassurance sometimes because it can often be tempting to soften the edges a bit in order to be liked…but then you’re liked by people that don’t stand for what you do and then you’re left wondering if you’ve compromised your values and morals for a superficial connection with someone you don’t even truly like. Seems silly.
So anyway! I was thinking about her this morning–just a random “I should send her a message and let her know I miss seeing her every week and hope she’s doing well.” I didn’t, because I had the random thought while getting ready for work and forgot about it by the time I had a moment to do so. Then I was catching up on local news and read about a presentation she did for the community on some heavy issues facing our area. I again thought of how great she is and how I miss her and that I should really send her a message. Then I had to get to work so I forgot/got sidetracked again.
And then she messaged me. “I miss you!”
I think this is my universe’s way of nudging me in the direction of it’s okay to explore new friendships and reach out and just say how you feel. Things might be shifting in the way that I could likely explore not just a more personal relationship with her (instead of the mostly colleague based relationship we have now) but also a solid colleague position. Both possibilities make me feel pretty freaking awesome.